The next morning, I opened up one of the daily devotional readings that arrived in my inbox:
An inward transformation must produce an outward one. It is one thing to hang a few apples on a pecan tree. It is quite another to grow apples on an apple tree. The latter is a more reliable source of apples. Thus the regeneration of the apple tree, which then produces apples of itself and of natural necessity, is the best, indeed the only way to get apples. But those who claim to be apple trees without producing apples are kidding themselves." (Theodore W. Jennings)
This could mean a hundred different things I suppose but what it meant to me that morning was that first of all there is the need to work on the inner life, to draw from the deep well of God's love to regenerate. I can't produce anything good or worthy without that. As a teacher, I want to produce apples or good things that benefit students but I can't do it if I just appear to be doing the right things. So, this year, I want to regenerate often and to work on the inner transformation, changing my heart and soul before changing the outward works.
So, mini-meltdown over, hope and wisdom in the inbox, and the daily work of transformation begins.