Recently I've had conversations with several family members about the afterlife. My mother told me recently that she wondered what her husband (my dad) is doing and she wondered if he is happy. Recounting this conversation later to one of my daughters, I told her that the "whole heaven thing" is a mystery and we'd know someday - but whatever he's doing I do believe my father still works on behalf of those he loves.
On this rainy and chilly morning, my husband pulled out the small electric heater to warm up the living room and I whisked by it to retrieve a cup of coffee. There, right on top, was a small card with words from Thomas Merton written on it:
"Each of us has an irretrievable vocation to be in Christ, and the Christ that I am supposed to be is irreplaceable. It has to be my vision of Christ and, if I do not fulfill that, there is going to be something missing forever in the Kindgdom of heaven, and each of us know this and feels this."
My father was known by his friends and mentees to be an inveterate scrawler of verse. He'd pick up business cards or small scraps of cardstock and write a verse or wise saying from one of the thousands of books he'd read. He's carry them with him and read them over and over trying to commit them to memory. As he lay dying, he told me "those words I've read and the prayers I've said go over and over in my mind." I saw that they brought him peace.
This morning, like manna from heaven, this card inexplicably appeared for me as I drank warm coffee and reflected on a day of parent teacher conferences. When I think of my own vocation and my rich and varied teacher life I often just feel lucky to have discovered that I am doing what is mine to do in the Kindgdom of Heaven. When I think of what I want my students to know- my students who are beautiful and strong and often overcoming a processing or learning disability, it's this same truth. These students, closely tethered to my heart, have their own irreplaceable mission. Finding this card this morning, clarified for me that part of my vocation is reaffirming this in them.
It's why I walk eyes wide open every day into the lives of my students looking for the seed within them that needs to be watered to life. It's why I work to unlock the mystery that is the clue to the way they uniquely see the world and make sense of it. To discover this, to speak its truth to power is to help the students find their place in the Kingdom right here on earth and to help them on their journey to be truly themselves. Students "know this and feel this" and will open like a flower when someone else knows it too.
We are, all of us, irreplaceable. Peace be with you as you find your own vision and help those you love along their own journeys.
~Ellen~
